Why Happiness Isn’t the Goal and What to Focus on Instead

By Helen Wada with Frank Martela

In this episode of Human Wise, I was joined by Frank Martela, Finnish philosopher, psychology researcher, and author, to explore one deceptively simple but deeply challenging question. What does it actually mean to live a good life and how does that translate into how we work, lead, and show up for others?

Frank’s work focuses on meaning, motivation, and happiness, and as our conversation unfolded, it became clear how often we misunderstand these ideas. In workplaces especially, happiness is frequently treated as an outcome to be optimised rather than something that emerges from how we live and work day to day.

As Frank shared early in our discussion, “When we think about our work life, it’s quite many hours of our adult life that we actually spend at the workplace. So if your life happens outside of work and the work is just a means to get the resources for that, then that’s quite a sad situation in life.”

That observation landed strongly for me. If being human at work means anything, it means recognising that work is not separate from life. It is one of the primary places where our humanity is either expressed or suppressed.

Stop Chasing Happiness and Start Paying Attention

One of the central ideas Frank explores in his book Stop Chasing Happiness is that the pursuit of happiness itself can become a trap. Instead of enjoying what is already meaningful, we constantly measure the present against some imagined better future.

Frank put it plainly when he said, “Those people who are most trying to maximise their happiness actually tend to end up more unhappy than other people who care a bit less about their own happiness.”

This resonated deeply with me, especially in the context of leadership and ambition. In organisations, we are often conditioned to believe that the next role, the next target, or the next milestone will finally deliver fulfilment. Yet what we see in practice is a constant sense of dissatisfaction, even when success is achieved.

Frank explained how this mindset shows up in everyday thinking. “You might be in a workplace and think that this work has made me happy for twenty years, but would there be another job that would make me even happier?”

This constant scanning for something better pulls us out of the present and erodes our ability to appreciate what is already working. It also fuels disengagement, both personally and organisationally.

Meaning Is Found in the Small, Everyday Moments

A powerful thread running through our conversation was the idea that meaning rarely comes from grand purpose statements or heroic achievements. Instead, it is rooted in ordinary human experiences.

Frank shared an insight from his research that has stayed with me. “Most people, most of the time already actually feel that their life is meaningful, and it’s not because of the big things. It’s more about the small things in life, having few people in your life that you care about, who care about you.”

This reframing matters enormously in the workplace. Too often, leaders believe they need to manufacture purpose through slogans or strategies. What people actually need is connection, trust, and the opportunity to use their skills in ways that matter to them.

Frank referenced research showing how small acts of kindness can shift how people experience work. “Asking people to do five small acts of kindness every Tuesday for a couple of weeks at their workplace, after a few weeks they start to feel that their work feels more meaningful to them.”

Meaning, then, is not something we roll out. It is something we cultivate through everyday behaviours.

Leadership, Autonomy, and Trust

From a leadership perspective, Frank’s work aligns strongly with what I describe as a coaching approach to leadership. It is about setting direction while trusting people to find their own way there.

Frank explained, “If you want to get people engaged at work, it has to start with you yourself being engaged. If you’re the boss and you don’t believe in the cause of the company, it’s very hard to be authentic and make other people believe in it.”

Authenticity is not a soft concept here. It is practical. When leaders feel aligned with what they are doing, that sense of autonomy and purpose ripples through the organisation.

He also highlighted the importance of trust based cultures, particularly drawing on the Finnish context. “People tend to trust each other, and that’s one of the secrets behind why Finnish workplaces are places where people are given more autonomy.”

Trust creates responsibility. When people feel trusted, they want to be trustworthy. This stands in stark contrast to command and control models that drain energy and initiative.

Coaching, Reflection, and Letting Go of Control

Throughout our conversation, I reflected on how closely Frank’s ideas mirror the coaching mindset I advocate. A coaching approach requires leaders to resist the urge to provide immediate answers and instead help others think more clearly.

As I shared during the episode, “Commercial focus is about knowing where you are going. A coaching approach is about supporting people to find their own way there.”

Frank reinforced this with a leadership example where a CEO stopped making decisions for others and instead explained how he would think through a problem. Over time, people no longer needed to ask him, because they had learned how to think.

This shift requires patience. It takes longer in the moment but delivers far greater capability and confidence over time.

Happiness, Process, and the Courage to Reflect

As we drew the conversation towards a close, Frank returned to a theme that feels especially relevant as we head into a new year. The importance of focusing on the process rather than fixating on outcomes.

“You can never control the outcomes,” he said. “You can only control the process. And if you’re able to enjoy the process itself, then you are already able to find quite much happiness on the way.”

This is a powerful reminder for leaders, sales professionals, and anyone navigating uncertainty. Reflection, not perfection, is what allows us to keep moving forward.

Frank left listeners with a question that captures the essence of being human wise. “Who are the people you want to connect with, and are you investing enough time and energy into being the person you want to be?”

Final Thoughts

This conversation reinforced something I see every day in my work. Being human at work is not about lowering standards or ambition. It is about creating the conditions where people can engage fully, think clearly, and bring their whole selves to what they do.

When we stop chasing happiness and start paying attention to meaning, connection, and trust, we do not just feel better. We work better too.

If this episode resonated with you, I encourage you to listen to the full conversation with Frank Martela. It is one that invites reflection, not quick answers, and in today’s world, that may be exactly what we need most.

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For more on Frank, you can connect with him on LinkedIn

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